213 things the military doesn't allow...

[toodles]

Johnny - you'll love these...

http://www.skippyslist.com/skippylist.html

[donthucktoflat]

here are a few gems

137. Should not show up at the front gate wearing part of a Russian uniform, messily drunk.

138. Even if my commander did it.

160. No part of the military uniform is edible.

167. Not allowed to operate a business out of the barracks.

168. Especially not a pornographic movie studio.

169. Not even if they *are* “especially patriotic films”

184. When operating a military vehicle I may *not* attempt something “I saw in a cartoon

191. Our Humvees cannot be assembled into a giant battle-robot.

204. NEVER nail a stuffed bunny to a cross and put it up in front of the Battalion Headquarters sign as an "Easter Desecration."

210. Must not make T-shirts up depicting a pig with the writing "Eat Pork or Die" in Arabic to bring as civilian attire when preparing to deploy to a primarily Muslim country.


that was fantastic.. loved em all

[johnny]

83. Must not start any SITREP (Situation Report) with "I recently had an experience I just had to write you about...."

77. The MP checkpoint is not an Imperial Stormtrooper roadblock, so I should not tell them "You don't need to see my identification, these are not the droids you are looking for."

44. I am not the atheist chaplain.

Only got up to 100 at this stage, but these are a few rulings that I can't understand for the life of me :confused: Sounds pretty sensible considering the usual standard of military logic.......!

[2 smooth 4 u]

ilke these 1s altho i only red a few
55. An order to “Put Kiwi on my boots” does *not* involve fruit.

56. An order to “Make my Boots black and shiny” does not involve electrical tape.

57. The proper response to a lawful order is not “Why?”

58. The following words and phrases may not be used in a cadence- Budding sexuality, necrophilia, I hate everyone in this formation and wish they were dead, sexual lubrication, black earth mother, all Marines are latent homosexuals, Tantric yoga, Gotterdammerung, Korean hooker, Eskimo Nell, we've all got jackboots now, slut puppy, or any references to squid.
43. Camouflage body paint is not a uniform.

44. I am not the atheist chaplain.

45. I am not allowed to “Go to Bragg boulevard and shake daddy's little money maker for twenties stuffed into my undies”.

46. I am not authorized to fire officers.

47. I am not a citizen of Texas, and those other, forty-nine, lesser states.

48. I may not use public masturbation as a tool to demonstrate a flaw in a command decision.
all soo good hahaha

[SNYKE]

Just a couple good ones I noticed:
29. The Irish MPs are not after “Me frosted lucky charms”.

32. Not allowed to let sock puppets take command of my post.

49. Not allowed to trade military equipment for “magic beans”.

63. Command decisions do *not* need to be ratified by a 2/3 majority.

88. Must not refer to 1st Sgt as “Mom”.

89. Must not refer to the Commander as “Dad”.

102. Rodents are not entitled to burial with full military honors, even if they are "casualties of war".

106. I may not trade my rifle for any of the following: Cigarettes, booze, sexual favors, Kalishnikovs, Soviet Armored vehicles, small children, or bootleg CD’s.

145. I should not drink three quarts of blue food coloring before a urine test.

146. Nor should I drink three quarts of red food coloring, and scream during the same.

147. I should not threaten suicide with pop rocks and Coke ®.

[farkus]

206. Not allowed to get shot.

43. Camouflage body paint is not a uniform.

[cheese]

Mmm, I just wasted a fair bit of time feeling like a dick laughing when im all alone in my room. quality stuff, make sure you check out the "freinds of skippy" section.