Speech Ideas

[nick89_]

Hey, my brother has to do a speech for his yearly exams and he was curious as to some ideas he could do. He has to write about how to do something or a process on how to do it. It has to be appropriate and go for 3 mins. He does not ride, so no ideas for that. Looking for something funny.....

[PINT of Stella, mate!]

Speeches? Great!

Having written many speeches in the past, I feel obliged to pass on a few hints.

First of all, Attire. It's no use standing in front of the audience dressed as a tramp for obvious reasons. Also I feel it's a good idea to avoid standard business attire - too anonymous. Instead, try building a life-size Optimus Prime costume. People adore a good leader and this'll help you gain their trust.

next, It's all about capturing the audiences attention. I take it your brother has free reign to talk about anything? That makes the job a lot easier. In my opinion choose a subject that's maybe a little bit 'edgy' or 'out there.' It's no use regaling people with tales of stamp collecting and the like, you need to capture their attention. Maybe try one of the following subjects:

Animal testing: Why it's both necessary AND fun!

9/11: Why those infidel pigs in the towers were asking for it!

Why women should never have been given the vote.

Or Does Paedophilia get a bad wrap?

Next, it's important to involve the audience at all times. Pick somebody out the moment you get on stage. Preferably somebody who may have some kind of visible handicap. Engage in some light hearted banter - be sure to reference their disability in a comical way at least say- a dozen times. They'll love it!

Finally there's the issue of nerves. I suggest maybe, half to three quarters of a bottle of tequila before you take the stage. Use it to chase down some prescription medicine. That should silence those nagging voices in the vback of your head. However if during the speech you find the audioences attention wavering, a few shots into the crowd from a small handgun should help restore order.

Tell your brother to follow these tips and he should be fine!

[Hamsta]

How to create a 3 minute boiled egg. The funny part is why the fuck do cooks etc call it a 3 minute egg. You can't hardboil a fresh egg in 3 minutes.
Pretty lame but it may get the ball, sorry, egg, rolling.:)

[demo man]

Do a speech on how to do a speech. include all the steps you take in writing, practicing and delivering the speech. Make sure you include this step, asking for advice, and throw in some quotes from folks like POSM!

[Hamsta]

I am using my b/friend's account

It's for his exams... why inject humour? As a teacher, I know this is not what the marker(s) are looking for!

As for the low life individual that said women should never have been given the vote, my response would be if I had to present a talk '120 reasons why your Mother should have taken the pill'.

[Rik]

I think you failed Understanding Sarcasm Module #1, a prerequisite for internet use :)
Flaming back with an insult like that doesn't help your case either.

[PINT of Stella, mate!]

As for the low life individual that said women should never have been given the vote, my response would be if I had to present a talk '120 reasons why your Mother should have taken the pill'.

Irony is not just a description of a household appliance young lady! ;)

[Randy Rhoads]

Speeches? Great! .....
....... Maybe try one of the following subjects:


Why women should never have been given the vote......


Tell your brother to follow these tips and he should be fine!

Haha, That will be guaranteed to get everyones attention!

[PINT of Stella, mate!]

So women not getting the vote = unacceptable

Kiddie fiddling = acceptable

:confused:

[Hopper]

So women not getting the vote = unacceptable

Kiddie fiddling = acceptable

:confused:


Didn't you go... there was a big vote on the issue last night

[Regan of Gong]

Some markers/adjudicators like humour. Unfornunately, I've missed them the past 3 years at inter-school competitions. All the competitors know each other now, and they told me they look forward to my speeches for the humour.

If you do set out to write a humourous speech, make sure it's structured well, then, in event of serious adjudicator, they can only mark you down for content.

But, maybe the only thing POSM said seriously, write a controversial speech or a t least something to capture and hold the audience's attention.

[Hamsta]

Girlfriend hijacked my post.........my apologies for her hasty reply:o

[rell6103]

Girlfriend hijacked my post.........my apologies for her hasty reply:o

Damn right, she should be in the kitchen...



I apologise to all the ladies, i couldn't resist:D

[nsr077]

[QUOTE=Hamsta;803027]I am using my b/friend's account [QUOTE=Hamsta;803027]

Suprise Suprise..

My lovely fiance does that to.

[Hamsta]

In a previous post, I appologised for my girlfriends hijacking my post and 'hasty reply'. Well, she didn't hijack my post nor was her reply hasty.
The reson is that I said she could write whaterver she liked in response to a previous post that was, upon reflection, in bad taste. I should not have appolgised on her behalf as this is a form of censorship that I placed upon her freedom of speech. Let's face it your post was in POOR taste!

[Drizz]

In a previous post, I appologised for my girlfriends hijacking my post and 'hasty reply'. Well, she didn't hijack my post nor was her reply hasty. The reson is that I said she could write whaterver she liked in response to a previous post that was, upon reflection, in bad taste. I should not have appolgised on her behalf as this is a form of censorship that I placed upon her freedom of speech. Let's face it your post was in POOR taste!

She should get her own account than. :rolleyes: Flaming should be done in your own name.....

As for post in poor taste, remember POSM is still reliving the glory days of the British empire. Matter of fact some would like to argue he is actually quite progressive by 19th century standard. ;) :)

[Hamsta]

She offered to get her own account. It's not a hard concept to understand: I LET HER USE MINE!

[johnny]

In a previous post, I appologised for my girlfriends hijacking my post and 'hasty reply'. Well, she didn't hijack my post nor was her reply hasty.
The reson is that I said she could write whaterver she liked in response to a previous post that was, upon reflection, in bad taste. I should not have appolgised on her behalf as this is a form of censorship that I placed upon her freedom of speech. Let's face it your post was in POOR taste!
My god, glad she was never my school teacher! Maybe some one could buy her, and yourself, a sense of humour for Xmas!

As POSM said, she completely ignored the child abuse (as a school teacher, I thought this may have at least registered, guess not...) and mass murder suggestion too. A little self centered maybe...?

[Disturbed.Rider]

I remember the most recent speech I did for school....it was one about violance againt women (anti violance against women).

The teacher was infact a woman....an old lady with little to no sense of humor and I thouhgt it would be a good idea to open witha joke so I said:

"What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?"
Nobody knew...
"Nothing" I said "You've already told her twice."


Not only did I not get a mark, and I'm still on suspension.....it was worth it. :D

[Binaural]

In a previous post, I appologised for my girlfriends hijacking my post and 'hasty reply'. Well, she didn't hijack my post nor was her reply hasty.
The reson is that I said she could write whaterver she liked in response to a previous post that was, upon reflection, in bad taste. I should not have appolgised on her behalf as this is a form of censorship that I placed upon her freedom of speech. Let's face it your post was in POOR taste!

Sounds like you and your girlfriend are made for each other then, since apparently neither of you can spot the most bleedingly obvious satire I think I have ever seen.

On another note, I recommend www.theonion.com for the best news and current affairs ;)

[PINT of Stella, mate!]

Christ, you make one ironic remark and people think you're Michael Richards!

It's yet another example of the conspiracy against me that's being orchestrated by those bloody sufragettes, I tell ya!

:cool: