Inverse beater project - even uglier!

[Rik]

A few weeks ago I was asking about (http://forums.farkin.net/showthread.php?t=91163) cheap 29" MTB options for commuting. The decision was made quickly and I now have a bike...

It is intended for bashing around the city at all times of day and night, and I'll be leaving it locked up in some dodgy areas for long periods so theft-prevention is crucial. Another important thing is all-weather riding so mudguards and smart component choice is a must.
This bike is going to be a pure commuter that in theory should get me anywhere I need to go and save me catching bus/train/taxi whenever I want to go out. Riding to pubs/gigs/mates, leaving it locked up and wobbling home on it is the plan, to save me taxi fares and also force me to not drink as much and leave at a sensible hour (HAH!, yeah right).

So what do I do now? Well, the exact opposite of what most people get off on doing. Forget taking a sad old crapheap and making it look/go well, I want to take a perfectly good bike and turn it in to a pile of junk... aesthetically at least.

Things won't get underway for another week or two whilst I get current work done, but here's some pics to start with:

KHS Solo-One 29".

http://forums.farkin.net/photo/data/525/Stock1.jpg

http://forums.farkin.net/photo/data/525/Stock3.jpg

http://forums.farkin.net/photo/data/525/Stock2.jpg

Incredible value for money, <$1000 with cromoly frame and fork, disc mounts, sliding vertical dropouts, Rhyno Lite rims and truvativ bits. The dropout is a huge feature for me, EBB's are crud and horizontals are terribly impractical. For the price it'd make a great fun XC bike or in my case a burly commuter, you can't go past practical simplicity.

This'll get stripped pretty soon, the good bits sold and the real fun will begin :)

[bazza]

already does....

[Dicky]

*subscribes to thread*

[k3n!f]

More reflectors, some "Save the Whales" stickers and a basket on the front.

['Ross]

More reflectors, rip up the seat or cut it up a bit, then tape it up again. Random duct tape to cover up the logos, novelty air horn (will also come in handy for scaring pedestrians and members of the puclic;))

[johnny]

Haha, nice! You are a wobbler!

What's the philosophy behind 29"? Faster, smoother, easier to pedal? What the story?

[kyleman]

As Ive seen a bike locked up on a bridge on southbank...paint the whole bike dark purple with spray paint..seat and all.
NO-ONE would want to steal that.
And youll get a couple of laughs but not the haha he has a crap bike sort of laughs. The what an idiot..must be a funny guy sort of laughs. :p

[pinned--->]

Basket, give it the worst paint job you can using strictly one layer and a spray can, throw the bars in salt water over night, and rip the seat. ;) I'm really excited to see the what it comes out like.

[Pete J]

I've got one word for you, racks! Not the boobular kind but the ones that help you carry stuff. They make any bike look shite and the more there are, the less anyone would want to steal it. Get a rack for the forks, one for the rear, a basket, lots of bottle cages and a seat bag as well. To top it all off, add one of those orange flags on a stick, i guarantee that only the nerdiest of the cycling community will even give your steed a second glance! :p

[bazza]

I've got one word for you, racks! Not the boobular kind but the ones that help you carry stuff. They make any bike look shite and the more there are, the less anyone would want to steal it. Get a rack for the forks, one for the rear, a basket, lots of bottle cages and a seat bag as well. To top it all off, add one of those orange flags on a stick, i guarantee that only the nerdiest of the cycling community will even give your steed a second glance! :p

with a milk crate.........as old as possible........ on the back as well. held by okey straps as equally old as the milk crate. and maybe an old stray cat in there as well. and a novelty toy strapped to the front of the bike.

[...jim]

Mud guards are great - they protect you from the wets *and* make your bike look like shite.

Reflectors are up there too.

Pull out those crap looking grips you took off your mountain bike three years ago - the manky ones. Who'd want to touch them!? (use gloves) Old Ourys are great - they don't weather well.

Stickers are good - more so when they're a bit old so don't be going the really high quality vinyl ones - the crap paper ones wear much quicker.

A bolt-up front axle ain't a bad idea, 'cause then you only have to carry around a U-lock...make it a good one because most bike theft is of convenience ('cause Ol' Mate Junkie wants to get to the next suburb to score) rather than the pinching of nice bikes because they're nice.

[dain2772]

I reckon several pieces of duct tape on the seat, but don't worry tearing it. lots of stickers on the frame - because if you try to scratch the frame up it could lead to rust/deterioration of the frame which you don't want.

scuff up the tyres plenty, don't want them looking too new, and definitely get some old grips.

get some lube and put it on the chainstays and seat stays, then ride through a dusty area so it all sticks on.

[Cameo]

Nice Rik,

As for ghetto-factor. I suggest a few layers of paint, dull reds, browns, maybe some black. Then, go and scrape back some parts so random colours are showing, or place your bike up against a pole as you would lock it, but make sure you reall grind your top tube against the galvanised STOP sign, or rubbish bin that you're locking it to.

Tyres, do a few tyre slides on a gutter. You know, front wheel on top of the gutter, rear wheel sliding along. That'll scuff up the logos a bit, and dull the tyre from the fresh black state it is in now.

[-Elliot-]

Recipe For Ghetto Looking commuter....

1. Ghetto spray job (as seen on stolen bikes) E.G Overspray, different colours, runs in paint, etc
2. Heaps of scratches
3. Duct tape in various places
4. Cheesy stickers E.G "save the environment" etc
5. Heaps of reflectors... (but not matching pairs)

I think that covers it.

[Turner_rider]

Paint finish wise I don't think you can go past hidesy's work....

If you could team that finish with a fluro yellow, orange to pink fade and add a few homemade world championship rainbow stripes and you'd be set. ;)

http://forums.farkin.net/attachment.php?attachmentid=74854

['Ross]

Douse the brakes in WD40 so if any potential thiefs see you coming, they will be turned off after hearing ear piercingly screechy brakes.

Get some excessive cables going, doesn't matter if they are going to any parts or there for any reason, as long as they are loose and excessive.

Loosen the front wheel so it doesn't roll straight and appears buckled.

For Gods sake apply some dirt/grime to that chain!

[Tom Foolery]

with a milk crate.........and maybe an old stray cat in there as well..

I just pissed myself laughing~! Nice one!

[Mr Pants]

Good choice of bike Rik, it's a damn fine steed, pity you're going to ghetto-ise it but for good reason.

Mine with a a whole 2" of suspension fork on the front is a gad damn steamroller, mucho fun!

[rhysrhysbaby]

hHAHAH!
such a good idea!
looking forward to seeing progress!

[suG]

I think you should take 3 or 4 spokes out of each wheel replacing them with silver ones.
You need lots of stickers
maybe some foam grips big fat one like the ones of scooters
some odd tyers
get ried of most of the black parts (replacing them with silver) as IMO they look appealing to thieves.
maybe try and find some of thoes really old brake leavers that are quite long and plastic

this looks like it will be pretty funny

[Rik]

What's the philosophy behind 29"?Big wheels keep on turning, proud mary keeps on burning... rolling, rolling, rolling less resistance ;)

Well done guys, you're already on to some of my ideas :)
some "Save the Whales" stickersHell yeah, and every other stinking lefty hippy shit sticker I can find.novelty air hornA bright pink honka hoota will more than suffice.Mud guards are great - they protect you from the wets *and* make your bike look like shite... A bolt-up front axle ain't a bad ideaFor sure, big full length mudguards are sitting on my lounge waiting for this to happen. Boltup axles are a must, if I can fit/fabricate solid cromo units I will otherwise allen key skewers will be good enough.I've got one word for you, racks!Good thinking, it'll increase the practicality too.As for ghetto-factor. I suggest a few layers of paint, dull reds, browns, maybe some black. Then, go and scrape back some parts so random colours are showingThat's the main idea and the most fun will be had doing so :D I have a big box full of different coloured paint, this weekend I'll be coating the bike in many layers and waiting until it can dry before going nuts with wire brush and flapwheel in a drill.

Thanks for the input guys! I definitely don't want to reduce practicality in any way so some things will have to be overlooked, but it appears we all have similar ideas as to what makes a crap looking bike ;)

[Sam.]

Make sure that like most 12 and 13 year olds that you spray around 5 cm from the frame, the more runs the better:cool: Make sure you don't forget plastic pedals.

[caveman_01]

yeah the racks on the back are a perfect for it, you can double a drunk mate home or a fine lass on the back:D

[Ty]

as far as useful and ghetto goes - reflectors, racks are a good start, but to really put people off - a mustache bar is a must, they look dumb, not quite 'racer', not quite mtb, but really are useable in the real world, they offering a bunch of hand positions, get you down out of the wind when you need to crank it out and but leaves you in a comfortable position.

that and a fix gear (if you can deal with that, not good for ridind drunk)

[norco01]

for something completely useless, that will also get some laughs if you dont live near the coast. Throw some surfboard racks on it, painted greend and gold, seen it before and it looks mint.

I'd ride any bike with them on it, if i was at the coast.

[callan_robison]

I assume you will be using spray paint?

don't bother, use a brush, looks much....better.

[t]

Haha, nice! You are a wobbler!

What's the philosophy behind 29"? Faster, smoother, easier to pedal? What the story?

it puts you 3" higher so you have 3" further to fall when your wobbling home :p

yeah the racks on the back are a perfect for it, you can double a drunk mate home or a fine lass on the back:D

If your going to dink you really want Pegs too, maybey some old anodized purple ones

[shirtz]

i cant belive no one has mentioned spokey dokes :)

[ando_freeagent]

yea them spoke thingos that click around and there colourfull

[sawtell]

hahahaha ive got/had a fair shair of half decent bikes that have been made look shit.. worst bit was, i was so used to it not getting stolen i left it out front of my house and good bye full 105 groupset... :(

nothing beats a clogged up spray can nib, that when you spray it it comes out in blobs every where.

[dunk]

it puts you 3" higher so you have 3" further to fall when your wobbling home :p

1 1/2" ;) (/pedant)

[Turner_rider]

All this talk of mud guards racks and baskets just reminds me of this pub bike from the states....

[rhysrhysbaby]

if it hasnt been mentioned already, how about a baby seat on the back?
you could put your bag/computer whatever else you carry to work in there

[Joy]

spoke-i-dokes! (sp?)

or peg a card to run through the spokes haha.

[Sam.]

Yeah those bead things that make that annoying noise, if that is what you mean joy?

[FR Drew]

Actually if you're going to get fenders then hitting up your local tip recycling place and gettign some old ones with a few rust pinholes here and there would be more of a deterrent than brand newys.

Very pleased to see that Hidesy's paint job got a mention. Black/grey that's badly applied over a mottled orange, yellow, green or blue base coat with scratching to expose the underlying colour in spots, especially high wear areas like chainstays and where you lean against poles would be a move in the direction of crap.

The gloss black bits (cranks, brakes, seatpost, hubs etc) need a bit of scratching up and abuse to stop them looking so glossy.

Cloth bar tape in a pale colour that soaks up grime till it's manky and greyish brown would help.

[ando_freeagent]

haha that orange kona cowan pub bike looks sick

[t]

1 1/2" ;) (/pedant)

Actually good 29'ers have the same BB height as a 26'... but I still don't think they have the low speed handling you want to ride home from the pub :p

[Carlin]

Actually good 29'ers have the same BB height as a 26'... but I still don't think they have the low speed handling you want to ride home from the pub :p

Rik does not ride home from the pub at "low speed"...;)

[road_kill_ryan]

hahahaahah great ideas so far!!!!


haha get a shitie bike mirror thingo and put it on, :Dthis bike is goin to look to good.

[Ingeniator]

second hand tires!
and i mean REALLY second hand, like worn right down through the black rubber in spots!

I reckon not even a moustache bar, but really low rise , scratched up bars.....upside down

[Sam.]

What about forks backwards like on those K-mart bikes... Noobs trying to copy Manitou:p

[Rik]

It has begun...
http://forums.farkin.net/photo/data/525/medium/Stock.jpg

And then:
http://forums.farkin.net/photo/data/525/medium/White.jpg

http://forums.farkin.net/photo/data/525/medium/Green.jpg

http://forums.farkin.net/photo/data/525/medium/Orange.jpg

http://forums.farkin.net/photo/data/525/medium/Gold.jpg

http://forums.farkin.net/photo/data/525/medium/Brown.jpg

http://forums.farkin.net/photo/data/525/medium/Black.jpg

http://forums.farkin.net/photo/data/525/medium/Yellow.jpg

http://forums.farkin.net/photo/data/525/medium/Red.jpg

http://forums.farkin.net/photo/data/525/medium/Straw.jpg

http://forums.farkin.net/photo/data/525/medium/Dark_green.jpg

And I forgot to take a pic of the last colour, a deep burgundy.
Fun :)

[Cameo]

Thats a LOT of coats! When is the scratching going to begin?

[J-ack]

Haha, Rik, that's a lot of coats!

[-Jordan-]

Rims that have been painted with the spokes left in always tend to look shit.

Will be great to see it at the end though. :cool:

[-Elliot-]

Got enough paint? I reckon you have added a fair bit of weight to the frame... you better attack it with a wire brush ;)

[Mo]

lol that is the most coats i have seen on a bike ever. let alone being all different colors

[deaks]

wow :eek: thanks alolt of coats!

cant wait to see the end result!

[karlfaith]

+5kg!
Go crazy with that wirebrush now.

[Chalkie]

Whats this masking shit I see? Do you think the kids in the ghetto can afford to take time of selling weed to carefully make up there headsets :p? Taking the wheels off is even a bit of a stretch.

Should come out pretty shitty (in a good way) though. Reminds me of those art pieces you did in primary school with colored crayons covered by black paint and scratched back.

I reckon painted rims are a must. Could leave the tyres on too and poorly mask them so you have over spray on the tyres.

[exvitermini]

Whats this masking shit I see? Do you think the kids in the ghetto can afford to take time of selling weed to carefully make up there headsets :p? Taking the wheels off is even a bit of a stretch.

Should come out pretty shitty (in a good way) though. Reminds me of those art pieces you did in primary school with colored crayons covered by black paint and scratched back.

I reckon painted rims are a must. Could leave the tyres on too and poorly mask them so you have over spray on the tyres.

I can just see rik geting pulled over by a police office and questioned about stolen bikes..

[arpit]

http://forums.farkin.net/showthread.php?t=53881



Over 50 zip ties on that bike. The guys at St Ives cycles probably remember it - they had to cut off half a dozen before they could do any work on the bike at all.

I highly recommend the "one less car" stickers. In fact, go with the militant bicycle advocacy stickers. All of them.

FOr general hippy stickers, check these out! http://www.stickergiant.com/page/sg/CTGY/h



http://forums.farkin.net/attachment.php?attachmentid=34057

[J_Xtreme]

Ugly, raised, bent handle bars are always a goer on a shitty bike. I also love the idea of the rear view mirror adn flag.
When its left alone, also leave a manky white foam helmet hanging from the handle bars....big turn off i reckon.

['Alex]

Can we have an update

[Gripper]

Hey Rik, where to from the multi paint pics in post 43?, show us some progres soon.....

[Rik]

Would you believe it took 10 days for the paint to harden? Not surprising given how thick it is and cool weather didn't help.
This was the final coat that I didn't post earlier, and when you see my other bike you'll laugh :)
http://forums.farkin.net/photo/data/525/flames.jpg

Yesterday arvo... hungover like nothing else, stuff all sleep, full of sugar and feeling the need to vent some frustration. Crank up some metal and get out the power tools, ooohh yeah.
Here's the results.

http://forums.farkin.net/photo/data/525/Rough_1.jpg

And up close.

http://forums.farkin.net/photo/data/525/rough_2.jpg

The paint melted from the heat of being wirebrushed/flapwheeled hence the horrid green colour. It looks like spew and the texture is nasty too.

To top it off I then "tagged" it with a stencil that means more to me than you guys ;) Multiple colours on every tube, it looks very abstract now. Is it still tagging if it's your own property?

http://forums.farkin.net/photo/data/525/graffed.jpg

All I need now is heaps of stickers for the mudguards, and to assemble it. The drivetrain is the last thing to worry about, will be fitting old roadie cranks with 5/110 spider specifically to run an old Gutty bashring but they probably need a really long BB axle to clear the frame. Haven't even investigated my options yet, it'll be a headache...

Good fun so far :)

[Gripper]

Well Rik it's definately turned out sick looking, as opposed to SIC. Your end result is your reward no doubt, unCool concept indeed. 10/10

[karlfaith]

When I saw the first picture in your most recent post i thought 'Shit, not too bad'
Then...I scrolled.
Nice!

[Dicky]

Looks horrible.




:D

[-Elliot-]

I don't know whether to congratulate you for your work, or abuse you for destroying a good bike.

[FR Drew]

Head to your local nut and bolt supplier and get some mild steel allen head bolts, grease the threads making sure not to get any grease on the heads and then stick em in water for a day or two to let them rust a little before replacing those shiny chrome plated ones. It's going to be the fittings like the seatpost and black ano bits and the bolts that will be the give away.

Otherwise a stellar effort.

[sawtell]

that looks fukin shit.

[FR Drew]

You want to get a blue paint pen and a black texta and put a couple of random but crap tags on it. Got to have the obligatory "I wish my bi7ch was as dirty as this bike" too.

[sawtell]

http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y49/brotographer/mals.jpg

similiar to ..


http://forums.farkin.net/photo/data/525/Rough_1.jpg


really what looks worse?

http://forums.farkin.net/showthread.php?t=61467

i really thing the completle spray of all parts on the bmx add's to the dodgyness.

[Tomas]

http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y49/brotographer/mals.jpg

similiar to ..




really what looks worse?



i really thing the completle spray of all parts on the bmx add's to the dodgyness.

Similar? Nah, Rik's photo has correct white balance.

[Rik]

Got to have the obligatory "I wish my bi7ch was as dirty as this bike" too.Nah, even better is on its way: Yellow paint pen, "my other ride is ya mum!" :D

[arpit]

Similar? Nah, Rik's photo has correct white balance.


I like the warm photo better.

[road_kill_ryan]

bahahahahahhahahhahaha thats farkin hellarious!!!!!!!!!

should get an old tea towel and rap it around the seat. AND et old BMX handle bars. lol thats what the downies do down my way.

haha good job.

ryan

[rabatt]

yeh, you need the bmx bars, put one end in a vise and bend it down abit first, looks worse, for painting the wheels i would leave the tires and every thing on, unmasked, and do them diferent colers, hot pink, and silverfrost?? somthing garish anyway...

[Corty]

For the wheels:
1) Huck to flat several times without mechanical sympathy until a few spokes break - good fun too:D
2) Wrap the loose broken spoke around nearest spoke.
3) Tighten a few spokes to get the rims outa whack some more.

For the remaining shiny nuts & bolts;
1) Sand and/or file until no longer shiny
2) Wait for rust to set in...

Others:
1) Slash the seat, then half cover it with a sticker.
2) 2.1 tyre on the front and 1.5 rear:) - crazy post-pub sideways action

[Lemontime]

I think some bmx bars would top it off nicely.. Make sure they're WAY too far forward, ofcourse!

[udi]

but it appears we all have similar ideas as to what makes a crap looking bike
I reckon you could apply for a graphic design position at specialized now!

[Mo]

absolutely disgusting.
:eek:

[nein!]

Personally, I'd be going for a suspension seat post. Not only are they hugely ineffective, they also rival the aesthetics of one Whoopee Goldberg.

[road_kill_ryan]

one of those old skool seat post that the post that goes into the clamp thingos. yer well have one of those and have it loose so the seat wobbles around. hahaha

and get some shit tyers and do some masiv skids and get it down to the nylon. haha so funny.

cant wait to see this thing finished. i think people will look down on u for even touching it.

ryan

['Ross]

If you really want to repel, use a quick release seat clamp and everytime you park the bike, take out the seat and post and stick a big penis shaped dildo down the seat tube. I doubt many thiefs would be willing to ride away on a bike with a large nob coming out of it (although I don't know what sorts of pubs you will be taking it to).

[road_kill_ryan]

any update on the old girl? i want to see this thing and how bad it looks.

thanks
ryan

[spankey69]

haha hows it going now?

[Rik]

Pics up later tonight, only finished it this weekend :)

[Rik]

And... as promised:

http://forums.farkin.net/photo/data/525/Complete_1.jpg

http://forums.farkin.net/photo/data/525/Complete_2.jpg

It's together :cool: And looking fugly as planned :eek:
Only a few things to do, change cranks (anyone have a 5/110 crankset they want to let go for cheap?) and add mudguards - mounts need to be made for them first but I'm in no rush.

Oh, if you couldn't tell, I hit the frame with multiple colours of a stencil I had. It is a word with meaning (to me) but it's pretty much unreadable thus makes for a nice abstract look.

That was fun, the mudguards and rack will definately complete the look. It does ride pretty well, I'm trying to get used to the higher bar position but it accelerates and corners like a demon. Unfortunately I have an issue with slipping dropouts so will have to sort out that soon, nothing a bit of engineering ingenuity can't fix. Keep an eye out for this thread for the final touches to be made.

[alchemist]

I'm not sure "nice work" is quite the right words

[Ruckus_Lord]

I'd still steal it.

[n plus one]

That's nice work, I did a similar thing to my commuter to stop it getting stolen: :D


Oh yeah, knurled washers and filing off the paint should help with the dropouts - worked for my Unit...

[leitch]

that is the ugliest piece of shit i've ever seen :p

nice work rik! if you can get your hands on an octalink bb, i've got a pair of 175mm (i think) ultegra cranks kicking around here somewhere :p pretty sure theyre 5/110

[MrPlow]

nice work rik, i reckon you should take the stickers of the rims now though.

Sorry, but I am going to piss myself if this thing gets nicked!

[alpinestar12]

nice work rik, i reckon you should take the stickers of the rims now though.

Sorry, but I am going to piss myself if this thing gets nicked!

yeah, you gotta take the rim stickers off. Also, chuck it in a garbage dumpster for a while to give it a skunk effect.

[maiz]

Looksd like you succeded in your project Rik, that paint job looks like something I left in the gutter outside the local pub the other week.
With the slipping dropouts get rid of the allen key bolts and get some hex head bolts to get better clamping force, I did this with my UNIT and it works fine.
Can't wait to see it with guards and rack to top off the package.

[cdfeto]

You forgot something, bolt-up axles.

[sawtell]

it needs silver seatpost/bars. they always look ugly.

[Cameo]

Love the random chainring behind the one you're using; so pointless.

Looks shithouse.

[Stereochild]

umm, hope i dont see this anywhere, to me it sorta looks good:S

cept the chainring thing, thats silly

does the word say smash? or smasht?

[shirtz]

i thinkid still nick it.

needs ALOT of reflectors and a horn for safety

[...jim]

umm, hope i dont see this anywhere, to me it sorta looks good:S

Gotta agree. It looks pretty good to me! In the pix at least the paint-job kinda looks like it oughta look like that.

Perhaps take to the saddle, post and stem with a file, or some stickers... and get it 'dirty'.

[n plus one]

Seems like you have created a new ghetto chic, I herebye dub this trend 'Derelicte'. Long may it reign...

[Rik]

UGLIFIED!

http://forums.farkin.net/photo/data/525/khs_final1.jpg

http://forums.farkin.net/photo/data/525/khs_final2.jpg

http://forums.farkin.net/photo/data/525/khs_final3.jpg

Doesn't get much worse than this:cool:

Cranks were bought supercheap on clearout, whilst they're heavy they sure are stiff!
Downtube mudguard catches most of the front wheel spray, I'm not too keen on a "proper" guard as they always catch your feet and like to rattle against the tyre.
Have a 2nd set of wheels for offroad, just need a narrower rear tyre for mudguard clearance:rolleyes:
And I must say, Avid cable brakes combined with SD levers are by far the most tuneable, thus best feeling, brakes you can get. It's awesome being able to control the bike on its front wheel at speed, makes cbd shenanigans even more fun.

Anyway, you won't see me on here much anymore but if you see this bike out and about feel free to projectile vomit in my direction.

[sawtell]

defintaly get stolen, every one knows that any drunk person who see's a biek with disc's tries to steal it!!!
.. so to cool for farkin now? or realised that there is more to life then posting on farkin multiple times a day?

['Ross]

Doesn't get much worse than this:cool:


I dunno, I saw this pretty similar yet more ugly bike the other day in an abandoned mill:p
http://i163.photobucket.com/albums/t312/tho072007/lightbad.jpg



You may have seen on ten news today there was a fire at the mill, this very room was burned to the ground!

[PSYCHO-T]

Looking good Rik
but maybe tie it to the back of a car and take it for a drive for 50-100mtrs?

otherwise it looks great for an errr, uglied bike
;)